Lindsay Lohan’s Pepsi Dirty Soda, Pilk, Reviewed

It’s Pilk!
Photo: Pepsi/YouTube

If Mariah Carey is the Queen of Christmas, Matt Rogers its Prince, and Jesus its King (fact-check pls?), Lindsay Lohan must be the Chrismess Princess. In 2004, she brought “Jingle Bell Rock” into the 21st century. in 2022, Falling for Christmas became new canonical holiday gospel. And today, on the first day of December, the ho-ho-ho month, Lohan has introduced us all to a new classic Christmas drink, one that will surely take the world by storm and put eggnog out of a job; I am talking, of course, about Pilk. Pilk, as you will learn from Lohan’s 16-second sponsored social-media post, is a heady association of Pepsi and milk. In the ad, she wears her Mean Girls talent-show sexy-Santa look, sits by a roaring fire, and pours a can of Pepsi into a glass. “Nice,” she croaks. Then she tops off the glass with milk. “Ooh, naughty.” She stirs it together with a straw until the whole drink turns creamy opaque. “Pepsi and milk,” she says, doing her best “thinking” face. “Pilks!” She puts her lips around the straw and the camera cuts to a still life of Pilk and cookies just as she’s about to sip it. “Mmm, that is one dirty soda,” she says when the camera cuts back with no evidence of her having drunk the dang thing. Is LiLo calling the soda “naughty” and “dirty” meant to… make us horny for milk soda? Could this Christmas vixen (reindeer sense, affectionate) be

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