Lindsay Lohan’s Pepsi Dirty Soda, Pilk, Reviewed

It’s Pilk!
Photo: Pepsi/YouTube

If Mariah Carey is the Queen of Christmas, Matt Rogers its Prince, and Jesus its King (fact-check pls?), Lindsay Lohan must be the Chrismess Princess. In 2004, she brought “Jingle Bell Rock” into the 21st century. in 2022, Falling for Christmas became new canonical holiday gospel. And today, on the first day of December, the ho-ho-ho month, Lohan has introduced us all to a new classic Christmas drink, one that will surely take the world by storm and put eggnog out of a job; I am talking, of course, about Pilk. Pilk, as you will learn from Lohan’s 16-second sponsored social-media post, is a heady association of Pepsi and milk. In the ad, she wears her Mean Girls talent-show sexy-Santa look, sits by a roaring fire, and pours a can of Pepsi into a glass. “Nice,” she croaks. Then she tops off the glass with milk. “Ooh, naughty.” She stirs it together with a straw until the whole drink turns creamy opaque. “Pepsi and milk,” she says, doing her best “thinking” face. “Pilks!” She puts her lips around the straw and the camera cuts to a still life of Pilk and cookies just as she’s about to sip it. “Mmm, that is one dirty soda,” she says when the camera cuts back with no evidence of her having drunk the dang thing. Is LiLo calling the soda “naughty” and “dirty” meant to… make us horny for milk soda? Could this Christmas vixen (reindeer sense, affectionate) be trusted? I channeled my inner Lisa Barlow and made one to find out.

This might be hard to believe, but Lohan actually did not come up with the idea for Pilk by herself. It’s a riff on Utah’s dirty sodas, regionally popular soft drinks that blend soda with half-and-half or creamer and additional flavored syrups. For some reason, coffee is a sin there, but bubbly dairy syrup is a godly bevvy. This genre of drink’s connection to piety isn’t new, nor is it even Utah specific. The original cream soda had real dairy in it and was marketed as a temperance drink on the East Coast in the late 19th century. But TikTok has made Utah’s popular dirty-soda spots, like Swig, go viral, the drinks’ neon-hued visual appeal is undeniable. And Falling for Christmas was filmed in Utah, even though it takes place in Aspen, so there’s some sort of trackable brand synergy going on with her affiliation with the trend.

I broke out the good crystal for this.
Photo: Rebecca Alter

In the plus column for Pilk and cookies: The ingredients are easy to acquire, and the drink is easy to create. I chilled a fancy glass in the freezer while I stepped out to buy full-sugar Pepsi and whole milk, then assembled the Pilk on ice (I couldn’t quite see ice in the commercial, but you can hear the clink of cubes when Lohan stir). Taking my cue from the video, the ratio appears to be one can of Pep to around a quarter-cup (eyeballed) of milk.

Still promising.
Photo: Rebecca Alter

There’s a brief moment when the thing looks delicious, the contrast between the black and white liquids is still distinct, before it all settles into a muddy off-white. On the first sip, the drink tasted only of Pepsi, so I topped it up with some more milk. Then it just tasted like diluted, flat Pepsi, the aggro lactose totally snuffing out the soda bubbles. Overall, the drink just made me think of how great a Coke float is comparatively. In a Coke float, the cold solids of the ice cream hit the carbonated soda and create a layer of fluffy foam, which is delicious and creates a protective layer that stops the bubbles from flattening. Pilk has no such chemistry-lab magic. Plus, unlike milk, ice cream actually contributes flavor.

Boo.
Photo: Rebecca Alter

And that’s another thing! Lohan should have made Pilk with Vanilla Pepsi or at least add a dash of vanilla. I did the latter, which helped a ton with flavor, though the consistency remained irredeemable. As I sipped along to a Sonos Christmas-jazz station and kept trying to make Pilk happen, it hit me what this is … what Pilk is … what all dirty soda is. It’s just a goyish egg cream.

Ratings: Flops/10

Merry Christmas, Lindsay Lohan!

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9 brilliantly clever tips to make cooking Christmas dinner this year a BREEZE!

Cooking Christmas dinner can be more stressful than university finals or as relaxing as a week in the Maldives.

Most of us probably find ourselves basting our turkeys somewhere in between these extremes.

Festive fun!  You too can love cooking Christmas dinner if you follow Alice's clever tips!

Festive fun! You too can love cooking Christmas dinner if you follow Alice’s clever tips!

For me, as a mediocrity (at best) cook, Christmas dinner is one meal I thoroughly enjoy making. I love the Christmas carol accompanying the preparation, I love knowing that I’ve done too many potatoes – an absolute point of pride – and I thoroughly enjoy laboring over the extra dishes and vegetables that I’d never include alongside a normal Sunday lunch, such as red cabbage and sprouts.

Years of practice have helped shape my positive attitude. Here are my top tips for making the whole process a breeze.

1. Think of it as a large Sunday roast.

This is how I get around the stress of knowing that I am feeding large numbers of people, some of whom are better cooks than me. I also include: ‘Who cares if you get it wrong, everyone will have a glass of Champagne by the time they sit down,’ in my personal Christmas Day pep talk to himself at 7am as I get out the peeler.

2. Save on washing up and have canapés instead of plated starters.

I always do smoked salmon on brown bread, and then invest in shop bought mini quiches (life’s too short) that I heat up and pass around with a glass of something before hand.

3. Do too many potatoes.

Do way more potatoes than you think the assembled masses of your family could possibly eat. Then do some more. It’s impossible to over-estimate the quantity. Besides, they are excellent when heated up and eaten on Boxing Day. Just remember to make sure you have an enormous pan or two available for par-boiling before roasting. Ninja® ZEROSTICK® Cookware has some fabulously large pots and pans for family-size catering.

The most wonderful time of the year... but only if you've got organized in advance!

The most wonderful time of the year… but only if you’ve got organized in advance!

4. Write everything down, working backwards.

Do a 24 hour countdown, from prepping on the previous day to the final, triumphant carving of the turkey.

If you do this on Christmas Eve morning, it’s a great prompt for realizing that you’ve forgotten a vital ingredient and popping out to the supermarket while it’s still open Or send someone else out; you are already doing plenty of work.

5. Are your non-stick saucepans now actually…rather sticky?

Investing in new cookware is something we do so rarely, but the right pots and pans make an enormous difference to the end result.

I know that the right cookware gives me more confidence in the outcome of any meal, including this – the most important meal of the year.

Rather than non-stick, go non-stress with Ninja® ZEROSTICK® Cookware. Perhaps a little pre-Christmas gift to yourself is in order – just to make life easier.

6. Directly related to the above….Do you have enough pans?

If you’re more used to cooking for a couple, or a family of four, then you might wish to invest in a couple of larger items. Here, Ninja® ZEROSTICK® Cookware is perfect. Their cookware is incredibly versatile, so a pan that you might use for carrots for 15 will be just as useful for January family meals. The nine in one PossiblePan will steam, simmer, roast, braise, bake, sauté, sear, boil and fry.

7. Roast potatoes in advance.

This is a top tip from an older relative, who was horrified when I started peeling potatoes one Christmas morning. ‘Haven’t you done them already?’ she gasped. The advice stuck.

You can also make red cabbage, gravy and mashed potatoes in advance, as well as peeling the vegetables and leaving them in pans of cold water overnight. I found an online tip recommending that you make your cranberry sauce in advance, but that’s next level cooking. It’s jars all the way in our house.

Rope in other people to help you prepare for Christmas lunch - maybe buy a new peeler or two?

Rope in other people to help you prepare for Christmas lunch – mayb

8. Make space and clean the fridge.

This is the time to ditch old condiments that are a couple of years out of date, plus any aging veg lingering at the bottom of a drawer.

Create as much shelf space as you can. On many occasions I’ve had the Christmas food delivery arrive and had to clear out the fridge while unpacking. Or I’ve tried to stuff leftovers into an already brimming fridge on Christmas afternoon. Not fun.

9. Don’t forget the foil!

Don’t forget to buy more foil than you think you’ll need, and perhaps an extra potato peeler or two, if you think you can rope in a few helpers.

And make sure you’re very clear, right from the

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5 Tips for Making Hot Campfire Drinks

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Photographer and outdoor enthusiast Andy Austin knows better than anyone how to handle a strong chill. Growing up in Montana, he says if you give up and go inside when the snow starts flying, you’ll be locked away for most of the year – no one wants that!

Austin, who lives a hybrid of van and home life, highlights his experiences on TikTok. A particular series of posts he’s curated is called Campfire Cocktails, where he teaches his viewers how to whip up tasty drinks to make while camping.

Campfire Cocktails began by collaborating with Bozeman Spirits Distilling to make a cinnamon hot toddy. The recipe calls for two ounces of cinnamon whiskey, two quarters of lemon, two dashes of aromatic bitters, half an ounce of honey syrup (three parts honey, one part water) and hot water.

“I made this in the spring and can’t wait to make it again in the winter,” Austin says. “Putting bitters in gives it a whole new flavor profile that really opens up the drink.”

Austin says whiskey is generally his drink of choice because it pairs well with so many hot drinks like coffee, cider or hot chocolate which he can make right on the campfire.

A clear expert on the subject, we asked Austin for all the tips and tricks so campers everywhere can easily whip up hot drinks to sip on while camping in cold weather.

Choose a Proper Heating Source

Austin’s heating source for whipping up hot drinks varies, but generally he prefers a Jetboil for boiling water fast. If he’s not using that, he will put a kettle over a campfire, either sitting on the side or on a camp grills.

“I do love putting my kettle on a campfire because it’s great to always have easily accessible hot water,” Austin says. “It’s so nice when you’re camping and going, ‘Oh I want to make a drink’ or ‘I want to refill my drink’ and you immediately have your campfire kettle ready.”

Prep a Good Cooking Campfire

Because he often uses grate when boiling water for drinks, Austin keeps the fire small enough so that his kettle doesn’t burn directly.

“I keep it a little lower to heat water,” Austin says. “Once it gets nice and hot, I’ll pull the kettle out of the fire a little bit just to make sure it stays a nice warm temperature and doesn’t boil off all your water.”

Keep Kitchenware Simple and Durable

Early on in Campfire Cocktails, Austin made the mistake of using typical glassware and mixing equipment. He was frustrated with how breakable everything was and didn’t want to open up his van and find broken glass everywhere. So, over time, he curated a collection of outdoor friendly equipment.

First thing’s first: Austin got his trusty kettle from a thrift store. He recommends finding one that’s built for open flame, generally made of titanium or stainless steel.

“I’ve definitely charred some bottoms of kettles before,” Austin says, laughing.

He, of course, requires a few other tools for whipping up campfire drinks. Austin uses High Camp Flasks for shakers and mixing glasses. After years of using a ‘crappy’ shaker that would leak and make a mess, he stumbled upon the brand and hasn’t used anything else since.

“Almost everything they have is double-insulated,” he says. “So whether I’m making cold or hot drinks, it’s great to make things and drink out of. They basically built a lot of their stuff around doing exactly this – making drinks around the campfire.”

The copper highball shaker is designed with a built-in strainer, which he says is a big help. It also has a vacuum-sealed lid so he can make a drink and take it on the go, if he so pleases.

Use Protection

One of the biggest mistakes Austin has made in the past is not using tongs or hot pads when pulling the kettle off the fire.

“I definitely have burned myself a few times,” he says. “I used to use makeshift stuff to handle the hot kettle.”

He strongly recommends a good pair of fire gloves.

Another mistake he made was getting too complicated with his drinks.

“The simpler the better,” Austin says. “A lot of the stuff I do on Campfire Cocktails is made in front of the camera, but if it was just for fun, I would probably make a lot of the ingredients ahead of time and bring it with me.”

For example, instead of packing fresh blueberries and maple syrup, prepare ahead of time so you have a blueberry syrup ready for any toasty beverage you’d like.

Never Forget the Coffee

“I’m a coffee snob for sure,” Austin says. “I prioritize my life around coffee and where I’m going to get my next cup

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