Lindsay Lohan’s Pepsi Dirty Soda, Pilk, Reviewed

It’s Pilk!
Photo: Pepsi/YouTube

If Mariah Carey is the Queen of Christmas, Matt Rogers its Prince, and Jesus its King (fact-check pls?), Lindsay Lohan must be the Chrismess Princess. In 2004, she brought “Jingle Bell Rock” into the 21st century. in 2022, Falling for Christmas became new canonical holiday gospel. And today, on the first day of December, the ho-ho-ho month, Lohan has introduced us all to a new classic Christmas drink, one that will surely take the world by storm and put eggnog out of a job; I am talking, of course, about Pilk. Pilk, as you will learn from Lohan’s 16-second sponsored social-media post, is a heady association of Pepsi and milk. In the ad, she wears her Mean Girls talent-show sexy-Santa look, sits by a roaring fire, and pours a can of Pepsi into a glass. “Nice,” she croaks. Then she tops off the glass with milk. “Ooh, naughty.” She stirs it together with a straw until the whole drink turns creamy opaque. “Pepsi and milk,” she says, doing her best “thinking” face. “Pilks!” She puts her lips around the straw and the camera cuts to a still life of Pilk and cookies just as she’s about to sip it. “Mmm, that is one dirty soda,” she says when the camera cuts back with no evidence of her having drunk the dang thing. Is LiLo calling the soda “naughty” and “dirty” meant to… make us horny for milk soda? Could this Christmas vixen (reindeer sense, affectionate) be trusted? I channeled my inner Lisa Barlow and made one to find out.

This might be hard to believe, but Lohan actually did not come up with the idea for Pilk by herself. It’s a riff on Utah’s dirty sodas, regionally popular soft drinks that blend soda with half-and-half or creamer and additional flavored syrups. For some reason, coffee is a sin there, but bubbly dairy syrup is a godly bevvy. This genre of drink’s connection to piety isn’t new, nor is it even Utah specific. The original cream soda had real dairy in it and was marketed as a temperance drink on the East Coast in the late 19th century. But TikTok has made Utah’s popular dirty-soda spots, like Swig, go viral, the drinks’ neon-hued visual appeal is undeniable. And Falling for Christmas was filmed in Utah, even though it takes place in Aspen, so there’s some sort of trackable brand synergy going on with her affiliation with the trend.

I broke out the good crystal for this.
Photo: Rebecca Alter

In the plus column for Pilk and cookies: The ingredients are easy to acquire, and the drink is easy to create. I chilled a fancy glass in the freezer while I stepped out to buy full-sugar Pepsi and whole milk, then assembled the Pilk on ice (I couldn’t quite see ice in the commercial, but you can hear the clink of cubes when Lohan stir). Taking my cue from the video, the ratio appears to be one can of Pep to around a quarter-cup (eyeballed) of milk.

Still promising.
Photo: Rebecca Alter

There’s a brief moment when the thing looks delicious, the contrast between the black and white liquids is still distinct, before it all settles into a muddy off-white. On the first sip, the drink tasted only of Pepsi, so I topped it up with some more milk. Then it just tasted like diluted, flat Pepsi, the aggro lactose totally snuffing out the soda bubbles. Overall, the drink just made me think of how great a Coke float is comparatively. In a Coke float, the cold solids of the ice cream hit the carbonated soda and create a layer of fluffy foam, which is delicious and creates a protective layer that stops the bubbles from flattening. Pilk has no such chemistry-lab magic. Plus, unlike milk, ice cream actually contributes flavor.

Boo.
Photo: Rebecca Alter

And that’s another thing! Lohan should have made Pilk with Vanilla Pepsi or at least add a dash of vanilla. I did the latter, which helped a ton with flavor, though the consistency remained irredeemable. As I sipped along to a Sonos Christmas-jazz station and kept trying to make Pilk happen, it hit me what this is … what Pilk is … what all dirty soda is. It’s just a goyish egg cream.

Ratings: Flops/10

Merry Christmas, Lindsay Lohan!

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Salt+ owners’ plans, dinner at Stan Hywet, A Brewer’s Eve – our WTAM 5-minute food-drinks chat

CLEVELAND, Ohio – We look at what Salt+ owners Jessica Parkison and Jill Vedaa are up to, plus Dinner and Deck the Hall is scheduled at Stan Hywet Hall & Gardens in Akron and A Brewer’s Eve is coming up in Lorain. Here’s our 5-minute food-drinks chat with WTAM’s Bill Wills.

Click here to hear our segments

Busy times for restaurateurs Parkison, Vedaa

Jessica Parkison and Jill Vedaa are forging ahead with big restaurant news for 2023. In addition to their acclaimed Salt+ restaurant in Lakewood, they are planning on opening Evelyn in the former Spice Kitchen in Cleveland’s Gordon Square neighborhood and recently announced they are moving into the former Felice Urban Café on the city’s east side.: About Parkison and Vedaa’s restaurant ventures

Dinner and Deck the Hall planned

The folks at Stan Hywet Hall & Gardens have scheduled four nights in December for Dinner and Deck the Hall. Buffet dinner will be served in the manor house, and the estate – former home of Goodyear Tire and Rubber Co. founder FA Seiberling – will be open for its annual Deck the Hall holiday display. This year’s theme is “Gracious Gatherings.” About Dinner and Deck the Hall

A Brewer’s Eve set for this weekend in Lorain

If you are craving one more beer-tasting event before the end of the year, A Brewer’s Eve is scheduled at The Shipyards in Lorain with breweries, a winery and cider offering sips. It’s the second annual event: About A Brewer’s Eve

Bon appetit and cheers!

I am on cleveland.com‘s life and culture team and covers food, beer, wine and sports-related topics. If you want to see my stories, here’s a directory on cleveland.com. On the air: Bill Wills of WTAM-1100 and I talk food and drink usually at 8:20 am Thursday morning. Twitter: @mbona30.

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Like cool local food + drinks photos and videos? Follow @DineDrinkCLE on Instagram.

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Why don’t you need to drink eight cups of water a day

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We’ve all heard the age-old advice to drink eight cups of water a day. But if you fall short, don’t worry: That advice is probably wrong anyway.

That’s according to new research, published in the journal Science, which found that for most healthy adults, drinking eight cups of water a day is completely unnecessary. The advice is partly misguided because it doesn’t take into account all the water that we get from our food and from other beverages such as coffee and tea. The research found that our water needs vary from one person to the next and depend on factors like your age, sex, size, physical activity levels and the climate you live in.

The authors of the study say that for healthy adults, there is no real benefit to drinking eight cups of water a day. Nor is it dangerous: Your body will just excrete the extra water you consume in your urine.

“If you drink eight cups of water a day, you’ll be fine — you’re just going to be spending a lot more time in the bathroom,” said Herman Pontzer, a professor of evolutionary anthropology and global health at Duke University and a co-author of the study.

The advice to drink eight cups of water a day stems from a 1945 recommendation from the Food and Nutrition Board of the National Research Council, which encouraged adults to consume about 64 ounces of water daily. The recommendation referred to a person’s total daily intake of water, including from all their foods and beverages, but it was widely misinterpreted to mean that people should drink eight 8-ounce glasses of water every day.

Some experts have argued that the widely held belief was not rooted in science. One study of 883 elderly adults for example found that there was no evidence of dehydration among the 227 people in the study who regularly drank less than six glasses of water daily.

“Until we have more evidence-based documentation that fluid intake of eight glasses per day improves some aspect of an elderly person’s health,” the researchers concluded, “encouraging a fluid intake above a level that is comfortable for the individual seems to serve little useful purpose.”

Nevertheless, the advice is so widely ingrained that many companies use it to market products. You can buy 64-ounce water bottles designed to motivate you to drink the equivalent of eight cups of water daily, and water-bottle sensors that will track your water intake and remind you to “hydrate” every 30 to 40 minutes.

“We have guidelines telling people how much water to drink,” said Pontzer, who wrote a book on metabolism called “Burn.” “But the reality is that people have been kind of making it up.”

How much water do we really need?

To see how much water people really need, Pontzer and his co-authors analyzed data on 5,600 people in 26 countries who ranged in age from 8 days old to 96 years old. The participants included people from all walks of life, like farm workers, athletes and non-athletes, sedentary office workers in Europe and the United States, and people from farming and hunter-gatherer societies in South America and Africa.

The participants were tracked with a gold-standard technique called “doubly labeled water,” which uses water laced with tracers that can be used to track the body’s production of carbon dioxide, allowing the researchers to get precise measurements of the participants’ daily energy expenditure . It also allowed them to estimate the amount of water the participants generated from metabolism and the water they consumed.

“It’s really accurate at measuring how many calories you burn each day but also how much water you take in and how much goes out,” Pontzer said.

Using this method, the researchers determined how much water the participants lost and replaced each day, a measurement known as water turnover. They found that a person’s daily water turnover was largely determined by their size and their level of body fat, which contains less water than muscle and other organs.

The more “fat-free” mass a person has, the more water they need. Since men tend to have larger bodies and less body fat compared to women, they generally use more water. “Men use more water every day because we have a bigger system to keep hydrated,” Pontzer said.

The research showed that how much water you need changes over your lifetime. In general, our water needs peak between the ages of 20 and 50 and then decline in parallel with the slowing down of our metabolisms. That’s because the amount of water you need is partially dependent on your metabolism and how many calories you burn.

“All of the work that your cells do every day is water-based,” Pontzer said. “The ratio of the amount of

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